Wednesday, July 06, 2005


1. Both participants must be consenting, adult and excessively
intoxicated (substance of choice at contenders disgression, alchohol
strongly recommended for its analgesic properties)
2. The participants are hereby known as the "opponants", of which there
are only two per engagement in any one tournament.
3. The mandatory target arm of striking is the arm employed for
every-day activity. Prefereably right-on-right/left-on-left.
3. A maximum of five strikes is permissable. Opponants must endeavour
to inflict full potential within this strike rate, a lesser striking
rate is permissable only with opponants prior agreement.
4. The order of striking is strictly alternate, one opponant followed
by another.
5. The fist must strike the arm flat, that is to say the Walter-Clarky
knuckle variant is not permissable.
6. Striking any other part of the body other than the upper arm
between elbow and shoulder is strictly prohibited.
7. The "winner" is hereby judged as the opponant the illicits maximum
vocal and/or phsyical reaction from the "loser" as ajudged by similarly
inhebriated spectators. Sober judgement is disallowed.
8. Review of "victory" subject to review after three days whereby
subsequent bruises are compared for colour and surface area.

impressive result of the Walter-Clarky knuckle variant

Monday, May 30, 2005

Cool In The Pool

Archangel Thunderbird - Amon Duul Il
Middle Of The Road - Denim
Lady With The Braid - Dory Previn
If You Have Ghosts - Roky Erickson
Don't Fear The Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult
Chic - Le Freak
Fanfare For The Common Man - Emerson Lake & Palmer
Don't Believe A Word - Thin Lizzy
I Am I Said - Neil Diamond
Almost Cut My Hair - Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young
Dazed and Confused - Led Zeppelin
Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
Feel Flows - The Beach Boys
Cor Baby That's Really - John Otway & Wild Willy Barret
Bought and Sold - Rory Gallagher
Fireball - Deep Purple
Back In Black - AC/DC
Fur Immer - Neu!
Highway to Hell - AC/DC
The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down - The Band
California Uber Alles - Dead Kennedys
Beware of the Flowers - John Otway
I've Seen All Good People - Yes
Jessica - Alman Brothers Band
American Woman - The Guess Who
Born On The Bayou - Creedence Clearwater Revival
I Saw the Light - Todd Rundgren
In The Street - Big Star
For Those About To Rock - AC/DC
Jailbreak - Thin Lizzy
Just Dropped In To See What My Condition Was In - Kenny Rogers & The First Edition
Killer Queen - Queen
Lady - Dennis Wilson
Whiskey In The Jar - Thin Lizzy
Light Flight - Pentangle
Love Hurts - Gram Parsons & Emmylou Harris
Mama's Dont Let Your - Willie Nelson
Cool in the Pool - Holger Czukay
Marquee Moon - Television
Motor Bikin' - Chris Spedding
Suzy Q - Creedence Clearwater Revival
Mr. Blue Sky - Electric Light Orchestra
Paradise By The Dashboard Lights - Meat Loaf
Proud Mary - Creedence Clearwater Revival
Won't Get Fooled Again - The Who
Reelin' In The Years - Steely Dan
Since I've Been Loving You - Led Zeppelin
Tonight's the Night - Neil Young
Smoke On The Water - Deep Purple
Surf's Up - The Beach Boys
The Chain - Fleetwood Mac
Who'll Stop The Rain - Creedence Clearwater Revival
The Rocker - Thin Lizzy
Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac
Wilkommen - Cabaret
Thirteen - Big Star
You Shook Me All Night Long - AC/DC
This Town Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us - Sparks
Time Of The Season - The Zombies
More Than A Feeling - Boston
Rock Your Body - Justin Timberlake
Whole Lot of Rosie - AC/DC
Sweetness - Yes
Gary Gilmore's Eyes - The Adverts
Chestnut Mare - The Byrds
Take A Look At My Girlfriend - Supertramp
The Ballad Of El Goodo - Big Star
First Of The Gang To Die - Morrissey
My Sweet Lord - George Harrison
Dreamer - Supertramp
The Witch - Rattles
Deutscher Girls - Adam And The Ants
Consolation Prize - Orange Juice
The World's Strongest Man - Scott Walker
Totally Wired - The Fall
A Song For You - Gram Parsons
Cocaine Carolina - John R. Cash
Chelsea Morning - Fairport Convention
Miss You - Rolling Stones
Tales of Brave Ulysses - Cream
Geno - Dexy's Midnight Runners
Karen - The Go-Betweens
Waterloo Sunset - The Kinks
Lee Remick - The Go-Betweens
Season of the Witch - Donovan

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Things I Do When I Can't Sleep At Night

- Which Is Often...

watch the Gram Parsons documentary "Fallen Angel"

listen to music
ring people in Canada
have a bath
read your friendster profiles
count things
alphabetize things
draw pictures of dogs
make lists
study maps
watch the Gram documentary
make new playlists in itunes
walk to the shop to buy cigarettes
smoke cigarettes
clean my room
write letters
listen to Dory Previn "Lady With The Braid" over and over
drink wine (this is a new one)
listen to shortwave radio
try and find the number stations
cut my hair
watch films
come up with crap get rich quick schemes
check my email obsessively
read the online version of my hometown newspaper
download songs
organize my records in new and inconvenient ways
rearrange my bedroom
watch Gram documentary
sit on the seafront and count waves
write emails
write random but sincere testamonials for people
the next work days paperwork
organize my clothes by type and colour
watch telly
go through my photos
constantly walk to the fridge and open it but never take anything out - except maybe some milk
dye my hair the same colour brown it already is
make CDs for work
watch "more Cowbell" over and over
mostly I just watch the Gram documentary

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Things I Miss From Home

my family
Swiss Chalet
affordable living
good wages
playing NTL trivia
hanging out with Kika on the couch watching bad TV
drives out to Niagara-On-The-Lake with Led Zepplin blaring
the Niagara Glenn
Dairy Queen
being on the dance floor with Susan
having 4 actual seasons
the Great Lakes
playing pool
the secret swing - though I've only been there once
endless hours with Lisa drinking iced tea in Tim Hortons
Queen St. West
harvest moons
convenient store opening hours
Montabello Park
chicken wings with Franks Redhot Sauce
Shopper's Drug Mart
the Canadian Rockies
my Noni's home cooking
thunder storms

the secret swing, Toronto - photo by Matt O'Sullivan

NOTE TO KELLEE - your name is not mentioned purely because you are moving to Brighton next week. See you soon!

Monday, May 16, 2005


You Can't Park There, And You Can't Wear That!
Things That Simon Johns Simply Cannot Abide

body odour

warm lager

hip hop

london road
drivers that don't indicate
loud clubs
fretless bass
fitted jeans
rubbish dancing
gold jewlery
common people
people who say scone to ryhme with cone
crap ice cream
my brighton beach in summer time

Simon cannot abide autumn

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Gigs I Have Seen So Far This Year

Starting With Most Recent:

The Go-Betweens-
@The Concorde2
@The Freebutt
The Fall/John Cooper Clark-
@The Concorde2
LeTigre/Gravy Train/Miss Pain-
@The Concorde2
Phill Collins 3/Shark-
@The Engine Rooms
Adam Green-
The Blue Minkies-
@The Freebutt
Death From Above 1979/Controller Controller-
@The Venue, London New Cross
St. Etienne/The Magic Numbers-
@The Concorde2

The Blue Minkies

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Titles In The Pile Of Books Next To My Bed.

Time -Alexander Waugh
Geek Love - Katherine Dunn
The Ladybird Book Of Handwriting 1969 edition
Lynton & Lynmouth Illustrated Guide Book 1917 edition - Wardlock & Co's
Toddler On The Run/Dust Falls On Eugene Schlumburger - Shena Mackay
The Dog - Cassell
Ryhme Stew - Roald Dahl
Matilda - Roald Dahl
Flanimals - Ricky Gervais
If Only You Knew How Much I Smell You - Shaff/Blount
MIMS - May 2001
Shakey - Jimmy McDonough
In The Name Of The Rose - Umberto Eco
Fantasy Femmes Of Sixties Cinema - Tina Lisanti
The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night-Time - Mark Haddon
An Anthropologist On Mars - Oliver Sacks
World Revolutionary Elites - Harold D. Lasswell & Daniel Lerner

From Micro-Seconds To Millennia, Alexander Waugh
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